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Live & Unfiltered: The 2009 BET Awards

Beginning at 8PM ET, we’re live blogging the 2009 BET Awards.

8PM: Flashback to MJ and James Brown from a previous awards show.

8:01PM: New Edition sings a Jackson 5 medley. Ralph Tresvant’s vocals struggling … Diddy clearly loving it. Lil Wayne looks confused. Bobby Brown — totally inappropriate per usual.

8:02PM: MC Lyte doing the voice-overs again this year.

8:04PM: Jamie Foxx entrance: Dressed in red leather jacket, sequins glove, dances to “Beat It.”

8:06PM: Jamie Foxx: “No need to be sad. We want to celebrate this black man. He belongs to us and we shared him with everybody else.”

8:10PM: Foxx: “MJ sold out stadiums! Half a y’all couldn’t sell out a bathroom at Carl’s Jr.”

8:12PM: Foxx moonwalks across the stage.

8:13PM: Tyra Banks — and all 566 of her teeth — is the first presenter.

8:14PM: LeBron wins Best Male Athlete. Yes, there’s a best male athlete category.

8:15PM: Weezie wins Best Male Hip Hop.

8:17PM: Ginuwine, dressed like Steve Harvey, throws to commercial with lame tribute.

FIRST COMMERCIAL BREAK

8:22PM: Keri Hilson performs “Turnin Me On” / “Knock You Down” medley … “If you don’t have anything nice to say” … so we won’t.

8:26PM: NeYo performs “The Lady In My Life,” no doubt saving this show from itself.

SECOND COMMERCIAL BREAK

8:34PM: What up, MCLyte?

8:35PM: Keke Palmer sings “Who’s Loving You” a capella with “Lil Bobby” (last name unkown).

8:36PM: Jamie Foxx sings “Blame It,” somehow seen as an MJ tribute. BET would have been wise to *not* bill this show as an MJ tribute, if the artists were going to do their own songs with one or two cursory MJ shout-outs. Snoop, T. Pain (wearing literal Big Ass Chain) make cameos. Add Travis Barker (Blink 182) .

8:41PM: Tiny and Toya, y’all. Not a good night for black folks, so far.

THIRD COMMERCIAL BREAK — promo for “The Monique Show.” Say what? Hope it’s better than her radio show.

8:45PM: Shout out to Nicole, who is at the BET Awards right now and holding down the Twitter feed.

8:47PM: Soulja Boy takes the stage, performing “Turn My Swag On,” in front of oversized bed. OK.

8:51PM: Estelle, Chaka Khan, and Letoya Luckett present Jamie Foxx and T.Pain with best collaboration. Not enough time in this show to mention the other nominees???

(Reminder: Jamie Foxx has an Oscar.)

8:54PM: Best male R&B goes to NeYo. (Please be the first to say something intelligent and coherent.) Nope! Starts with “Uhhh, damn!” then thanks God.

FOURTH COMMERCIAL BREAK — I’d like to draw your attention to this tweet, per Nicole in the BET Awards press room: when asked about M. Jackson Bobby brown says he can remember being invited to Michael’s house to teach him some dance moves…. / Bobby says Michael wanted them to spend the night… and that group was disappointed they couldn’t spend the night at Michael’s house

8:59PM: The Three Doctors stand on stage — get a smattering of applause — until Jamie does right by them and makes the crowd stand up.

9:00PM: Beyonce performs. Finally. Starts out sounding like Ave Maria. But it’s not. Oh wait. It is Ave Maria — but in English. And she’s wearing a swimsuit — that turns into a wedding dress. OK, Beyonce has officially run out of ideas.

9:05PM: Beyonce’s still singing.

9:06PM: Beyonce tripped on the fake snow, methinks.

FIFTH COMMERCIAL BREAK

9:11PM: Now this is funny. A *fake* movie promo featuring Shanehneh and Wanda Wayne.

9:13PM: MaryMary perform “God In Me.” One of the Marys is in leather pants. Queen Latifah makes cameo, rapping. With the acting and singing, I forgot she could still rap.

9:23PM: Zoe Saldana and Nichelle Nichols present together. Nicohols was late to the stage, and we know why — because Zoe told us (She was in the bathroom). Not very classy, Zoe. Taraji Henson wins best actress, thanks BET for heavy rotation of Baby Boy. Keri Hilson wins best new artist — only one standing up in the audience is Kanye. Surprsingly, the best acceptance speech of the night.

9:27PM: Jamie Foxx performs again, this time with Neyo and a woman writhing on a baby grand piano. It’s “She Got Her Own.”

9:39PM: NeYo rips Alicia Keys’ idea from last year, and introduces the throwbacks — Keith Sweat, Guy and BBD (with a cut-away shot of Joe Jackson sitting next to Rev. Al), NeYo joins BBD on stage.

ANOTHER COMMERCIAL BREAK

9:42PM: Ray J and The Real Housewives of Atlanta on stage. An incoherent “We Love You Mike” mess.

9:43PM: Ciara performs “Heal the World,” and for the first time, I can figure out all the words. Who knew?! At least MJ stayed on key, though.

9:45PM: Mike Epps and Paula Patton present together. Nice schtick.

9:46PM: Keyshia Cole and Monica perform. Nice. Both look and sound fantastic. My dog is growling at the screen though. Hater.

9:50PM: Kanye’s bald-headed girlfriend looks like she’d rather be at Nobu.

COMMERCIAL BREAK (LOSING COUNT)

9:55PM: Jamie Foxx pays tribute to the first black mayor of Philadelphia, Miss. Great, but is this supposed to negate the cultural damage this show has done?

9:56PM: Jeremy Piven and Marlon Wayans present together. Stanger things have happened, I guess. Best joke of the night goes to Piven: “If it wasn’t for MJ, people like Justin Timberlake would be selling curly fries deep in the valley.”

9:58PM: Beyonce wins 1,675th career award.

10PM: Jay Z hits the stage, after Jamie Foxx catches B off-guard and forces her to go back to her seat, angering Nicole back in the press room (who is, of course, waiting on B).

BREAK

10:09PM: Jamie Foxx: “It’s for Michael, it’s for Michael” and then proceeds to promo his own tour.

10:10PM: Day26 presents. The big one is rocking a size smedium vest.

10:11PM: Don Cornelius, still alive, comes out to a standing ovation. Black officially does not crack. It might bend a bit, but crack it does not! Joe Jackson gets second shout-out of the night, his eyebrows arched to the heavens.

10:14PM: Lord, Don Cornelius is still talking. Someone give this man a printed script. This TelePrompter is killing all of us.

10:15PM: TEVIN CAMPBELL! This guy’s face has aged three months — his voice, 67 years.

10:17PM: Johnny Gill, Tyrese, and Trey Songz perform as The O’Jays. Show these poseurs how it’s done, Johnny. Trey Songz, have a seat homeboy.

10:24PM: I like Don Cornelius. Totally long-winded, but I like his old-schoolness. Yes, I just invented the word.

10:27PM: I take that back. Cornelius is wilin’.

10:31PM: Love Eddie Levert.

10:35PM: The O’Jays perform “For The Love Of Money.” Upgrade. Forgot that this O’Jays song was also the theme song to The Apprentice. Downgrade.

10:40PM: Unecessary close-up of bald-headed chick and Kanye.

10:47PM: Sherri Shepherd and Idris Elba present, and shout out Katherine Jackson. Debra Lee comes out for the corporate talk. “We put this show together in a matter of three or four days,” she says.

10:51PM: Wyclef and Alicia Keys get a Humanitarian Award. Wake me up when this is over, please.

11:02PM: Whew, and we’re back.

COMMERCIAL BREAK — Joe Jackson dropped by the BET Awards press room. Nicole is tracking the latest via Twitter: “Joe says he wants michael to be remembered forever all over the world… and we know all over the world everyone supported him / says he’s larger than he ever was before“

11:06PM: Taraji Henson and Tyrese do an impromptu reenactment of Baby Boy. There should have been more of these hijinx tonight. T.I. and Rihanna win Viewer’s Choice. With T.I. in jail and Rihanna is keeping a low(er) profile, Tiny goes up with a coterie of homies to accept. Well then. Oh wait. Now here comes Ving Rhames. Baby Boy again.

11:12PM: Big surprise — Beyonce wins Video of the Year.

11:14PM: Jamie Foxx introduces Maxwell with homoerotic praise.

11:19PM: Maxwell turns “Pretty Wings” into a *proper* MJ tribute.

11:25PM: Drake feat. Lil Wayne and Cash Money. A good 3/4 of Weezie’s audio is cut for profanity. Wait a minute. There are about five underage girls on stage, and they are rapping about the girls they want to (use your imagination). This is not OK. Drake is sitting on a stool, since he tore his ACL — c/o Nicole in the press room.

11:37PM: Janet Jackson addresses the crowd. The real tribute starts three-and-a-half hours into the show. “To you, MJ is an icon. To us, he is family. … We miss him so much,” she says. Jamie Foxx sings “I’ll Be There” with NeYo (again). Not sure this uneven show is worthy of Janet’s presence.

11:42PM: Boom, there it is. The show is over. G’night everybody!

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