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Kathy Griffin Wants To Be Wendy’s “White Gayle”

Comedienne Kathy Griffin appeared on the Wendy Williams Show on Monday. During her appearance she asked Wendy if she could be her “white Gayle” and suggested the two take a cross country road trip similar to the one that talk show host Oprah Winfrey and her gal pal, Gayle, took a couple of years ago. Here are some excerpts:

Kathy tells Wendy what her biggest dream is:
KG: You know that my dream is to be your white Gayle.
WW: Now how can we make that happen?
KG: I think there is a lot of potential.
WW: Can you imagine you and me hanging out and walking into Michael’s. It’s a fancy celebrity place here in NY.
KG: And I only get in because of you and then we do our road trip and we’re in the car for like a month fighting and taking our wigs off and throwing them at each other. There’s a lot I can do as your white Gayle.

Kathy retells her experience of getting kicked out of the historic Apollo theatre on Amateur Night:
KG: I got kicked out of the Apollo Theatre. I was ushered out. I did an episode of the D-List where I wanted to seriously tackle race and stand up comedy. Is comedy really color blind?…I started to call up every black person I know asking, “What makes black people laugh?”… I finally go to The Apollo and find out what makes black people laugh and what I didn’t know about the Apollo is that half the audience on Amateur Night is Japanese tourists waiting for the dance contest. So non-English speaking Japanese tourists, you know my peeps…It was a disaster. And then I get Al Sharpton to introduce me, the ultimate introduction, and you know I tried to get him into bed and he’s married. Just behind the scenes fun for you. But I thought that could be a good couple. Me and Sharpton.
WW: So you got thrown out, get to it.
KG: So it’s amateur family night, the only timeslot they could give me.
WW: So in other words its mothers and Christian people there with their children.

KG: So I got ushered out and there I am with Al Sharpton, he’s there with me like on the street getting kicked out with me and I’m trying to apologize to him and he stuck by me and he was awesome.

Kathy discusses the reason why her marriage of four years to Matt Moline ended in divorce:
KG: He would take my ATM card when I was sleeping and go withdraw money and put it back in my wallet before I would wake up for a period of two years.

KG: It’s not really about the dollar figure believe it or not. I couldn’t get beyond the fact that he would be with me at gigs and knew how hard I was working at like the crappy two or three shows a night and all this other stuff. That’s the part that blew my mind. And I know that couples have all kinds of arrangements, I get it. But after that I just didn’t know what to ever believe anymore. I didn’t know if I should believe if he really had a good time with me on this vacation, was he acting? My family was blown away, they couldn’t believe it. They liked him.

Wendy tries to get the dish on what it’s like to eat dinner at Cher’s house:
WW: What did you eat? Did Cher cook? Was there a chef there?
KG: No, Cher does not cook. Don’t be ridiculous! There’s people, minions there, and a lot of snapping…Cher’s so powerful that she has a thought and one of her assistants just sense it in another room and then all of a sudden there is all this food there.

Kathy recalls a story Joan Rivers told her from years ago about Cher inquiring why Joan didn’t make fun of her in her act anymore:
KG: She said (Joan Rivers) that one time Cher came up to her and said, ‘Hey, why haven’t I been in the act anymore?’ And I always thought that was a cool thing. Cher gets it. And I asked her (Cher)one time, ‘Did you really say that to Joan Rivers?’ [Imitating Cher] ‘Yeah you crazy b&%c*.’

Kathy describes what it was like being slapped by Joan Rivers while delivering the introduction to Joan’s Comedy Central Roast :
KG: Let me tell you, she clocked me. She is my Chris Brown.

Kathy talks about working with Paris Hilton on her Bravo show, Life on the D List:
KG: She speaks like this weird white person Ebonics. She has this weird language. She doesn’t technically read. But it’s ok she doesn’t have to.

Kathy about the possibility of her ever posing for Playboy:
KG: I am dying to do Playboy. And I’m willing to pay them up to one hundred thousand dollars.

Wendy asks Kathy if she would ever like to give birth to a child:
KG: I would have children except that it would ruin my figure and my figure is my fortune.

Wendy asks Kathy if she still considers to be on the D-List:
KG: I’m called Kathie Lee Gifford at the airport once a week. I was actually doing a photo shoot for a magazine and this guy kept talking to me about how he worked with me five years ago and it just wasn’t ringing a bell. Finally I go, ‘I think you are talking about Joely Fisher.’ And he’s all, ‘Oh. You’re not her?’ I’m like, ‘No. No.’ so yeah, that happens on a daily basis.

Wendy talks to Kathy about the big misconception people have about both of them:
WW: We have a lot in common. Sometimes when we walk in a room…
KG: People get nervous.
WW: And they don’t understand that we are nice people.
KG: And we’re there to entertain and make jokes and make people laugh.

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